After a week of watching shit and boring League Cup matches, we are back to the holy grail of Football, the English Premier League. In this blog, we will break down three matches that are guaranteed to make you and you some money heading into October. So sit back, relax and enjoy.
Lastly, for all my Jewish readers, Happy New Year.
Tottenham Hotspur F.C. @ West Ham United F.C.
West Ham: (+475)
Ohhh Tottenham, another week of getting our hopes up then crashing down with a shit performance against Swansea City then a strange 1-0 win against a lower league team in Barnsley (Where it wasn't on fucking TV). Now they go away from Wembley and play at another oversized and overpriced shit hole in West Ham's London Stadium. The home team is coming off a dominant performance against Bolton as they won 3-0. Now, these teams are playing each other in the next round of the English Cup which should give this game even more fire than it usually has. Tottenham needs to win this match; they seriously need to do incredible away from home if they want to finish in the Top Four. For me, the key man is Harry Kane; he is the king of London Derbies as he will lead Tottenham to a close and most likely dull victory. Just remember to start the kettle early! It's at 7:45 AM.
Tottenham 1-0 West Ham
Chelsea F.C. @ Stoke City F.C
Stoke City: (+500)
There are two things we know about Antonio Conte; one is that he is bald and wears a wig, and number two is he is completely and utterly stubborn. How many times does it take you to not beat Arsenal before you change formations!?! Luckily, the team they are playing against are a lot worse than Arsenal as they go up to one of the most beautiful places on Earth, Stoke. In this match, they will be without Sideshow Bob (David Luiz) as he was sent off for trying to break the legs of Arsenal defender Sead Kolašinac. For Chelsea to repeat and catch the two Manchester Clubs, they need to win this match, and they for sure have the skill to do so, and well, they will.
Chelsea 2-0 Stoke
Newcastle United F.C @ Brighton & Hove Albion F.C.
Newcastle is one of the hottest teams in the Premier League due to their young and stellar defender and now captain Jamaal Lascelles. He has been a fucking rock in the last two matches as he has two goals and an average match rating of 8.25. This guy will be on the radar for so many teams next transfer window even if Newcastle stay up because at 23 this guy has loads of potential. Now they go to the newly promoted side Brighton & Hove who are coming off a 1-0 loss to Bournemouth. Brighton are in 16th place with only four points, and I don't have many positives besides their won massive win against West Brom. We need to go with the hot hand and bet on Newcastle.
Newcastle 1-0 Brighton
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Yesterday was an unusual day in my Tottenham fandom. I had to listen to a game on the radio, and I got to say, it was pretty much the worst two hours of my life. All I can picture is a half-empty Wembley with Dele Alli, Son, and the rest of the Tottenham boys playing this boring brand of football while skying balls over the goal. In the end, we won from a Dele Alli tap in, but still, it's 2017, and no one on God's green earth thought "Hey, this game should be televised somewhere?" That is mind-blowing.
To show you how absurd this is, let me list some things the human species have done:
Cloned a sheep
Created a phone with facial recognition
LED light slippers
Pillows that hug you
Are you telling me these inventions are more complicated than sticking Gary from production up there to record the match? I know I am anti-paid streaming services for sports but seriously, I would pay all the money in the world to watch every single Tottenham/soccer match I want. I quit, I am done, once again the T.V. companies are ruining our fun. Rant over.
FIFA 18 is only ten days away! It's time to put those notifications on for your favorite YouTubers and bookmark Futhead! The day FIFA comes out is amazing, and until then we have to slum it out by playing the demo. Even though FIFA and EA tell us all "this year will be different!" it never is, the goalies are shit, and there are still assholes which pass it around the back when they are 1-0 up. In saying this, the one thing that will always be synonymous with Ultimate Team (Besides KSI's Road To BEASTiality) will be these three cringey names that everyone uses on Ultimate Team, so let's break them down.
She Was Only XI
This may be the worst/most overused joke. Everyone knows this guy, it's the person that has the same team from day one to the final day, and I can bet you right now it has Eric Bailly, Jack Butland, Luke Shaw and Gabriel Jesus (base card) in it. This is also the guy who tries to talk shit to you after the game, even if you won. You'll just see a gamer tag like "SniperGangx69x" message you "haha loser, you only beat me because I was too busy with your mom." This guy is the worst, don't be this guy.
Inter YaNan F.C.
Once again this is another one of those team names only people who are ten years old think is funny, just another over used joke that for the first maybe 50 times is funny than after is just shit.
Team Sweat/Sweat F.C.
Oh, sick man, you like fast wingers and a target man? Awesome, now tell me how many friends you have? These are the people that have (SDMN) in their Twitter handles.
Did I miss any? Let me know by Tweeting us at DST_Tweets.
And lastly, don't forget to check us out on the app "Raftr - Get Current" on the "World of Soccer" page!
Following their 0-0 draw with Chelsea, Sead Kolašinac is making news after he was almost murdered by a horror tackle by Chelsea defender, David Luiz as he the Brazilian was shown a red card. Obviously, everyone was happy to see the Bosnia and Herzegovina international was able to play the rest of the game after it looked like he could have broken his leg. Through all of the praise for Sead and hate for David Luiz, our dear friend Garth Crooks compared the Arsenal man to a toilet. You might say, "Judd, obviously this was taken out of the context," but no he compared him to a toilet, as he wrote this:
"Sead Kolasinac is built like one of those North London brick toilets that withstood bombing raids during the Second World War.
Even after the most awful tackle by my defender of the year last season, David Luiz, he rose to his feet determined to finish the game."
I mean, this doesn't make any sense, you can't praise a player but compare him to a toilet, there are millions of other tough things you can compare him too, but you choice to compare someone to something that people use to shit and piss in. This is why all of the pundits are ex-footballers, no one else can think of these amazing comparisons.
Okay, you guys know I hate Arsenal and I always root for their demise and down fall, but as an unbiased blogger, this is nothing short of disgusting by the Brazilian. It is the 87th minute, and you go into a challenge like that!?!? A Three match ban doesn't cut it; this is a six-game ban at least, he could have seriously broken the leg of the Arsenal left-back Sead Kolašinac. This was a scary challenge to see because it could have been career ending but at the very least would have ended his season. The worst part though is Luiz, this fucking guy is the worst, he goes into these awful challenges and acts like he was unfairly booked, but when someone sneezes on him he rolls on the floor like he's been shot by a sniper, these players make me sick. I hope Luiz gets the book thrown at him, disgusting behavior.
As we move on from the first week of the Champions League and it's red headed step brother, the Europa League, it's time to turn our focus back to the Premier League. Even though I am writing this before the Arsenal and Everton match, it was a pretty good week for Premier League clubs. We saw every English team start their Champions League campaign with a win with most notably Tottenham beating Dortmund. We also this week saw the first manager sacked this season as Crystal Palace's Frank de Boer was replaced by ex-England manager and owl, Roy Hodgson. Now we look at three matches that are going to make you significant money this weekend. If you want more amazing blogs, check out our new one about Ben Davies vs. Danny Rose. Love you all.
Stoke City F.C. @ Newcastle United F.C.
Newcastle United are coming off another win as this time it was against Swansea as they are on a two game winning streak. In this time they have scored four goals and haven't conceded one, and mainly have their captain, Jamaal Lascelles to thank. The 23 year old has been superb since Newcastle have had injuries problems and he had to step in and pretty much be the leader of this team. Is this because he has a £4m survival bonus? Maybe, but who cares, this kid has a future in this league and with him at the back, Newcastle can really beat some top notch teams this season. Stoke on the other hand are coming off a draw to Manchester United as their new boy, Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting scored two goals and danced his way to the Man Of The Match. If I have learned one thing from Stoke City, it's that when they start playing well, they lose, and I see that happening now as Newcastle are the home team and Rafael Benítez is back from his medical break. It will be close but the Geordies will find a way to win.
Newcastle to win 1-0.
Swansea City A.F.C. @ Tottenham Hotspur F.C. (-2.0)
Tottenham Hotspur may have just broken the spell that is the Wembley Curse after a massive win against one of Europe's elite clubs, Borussia Dortmund. The star man was the king of goals, Harry Kane, as he notched two goals and one assist as everyone on Spurs from their defense, midfield and their attack, was superb. Now they host Swansea City as they will look to keep their form going into the Cup matches midweek. Swansea is coming off a rough loss to Newcastle 1-0 as Renato Sanches didn't look great in his debut with the club. The reason I went with Tottenham to beat the spread of two goals is that it's September, Harry Kane is back, and now he has his sights on his third Golden Boot in a row. It's not just him; everyone is on top form as Eriksen is threading the needle, Davinson Sánchez and Serge Aurier look like amazing signings and Ben Davies! Wow, what a season. This is going to get ugly for Swansea.
Tottenham to win 4-0
Press click "read more" to see our preview of Chelsea v Arsenal!
With all of the excitement surrounding Tottenham towards the end of the transfer window, there has been little mention of Danny Rose since his explosive interview in The Sun. This lack of discussion is odd considering that Rose is arguably the best left back England and Spurs have been without him since late January. When Rose comes back, Mauricio Pochettino is going to have to make a very tough decision; will Poch go with Rose, a player who has excelled and consistently improved under Poch? Or will Mauricio go with the Welshman Ben Davies, who has been nothing short of incredible this season. Let's break it down.
This season Ben Davies has went from a back up left-back to one of the most inform defenders in the Premier League. Obviously, a lot of his season so far has been written and spoken about due to his incredible Fantasy Premier League numbers, as he's put up 32 total points and got a massive price upgrade. Early into the season Ben Davies has one goal, one assist, a 83.9 passing percentage (average pass length: 19m), arguably should have two Man of The Matches, 12 chances created (most on the team), and an average match rating of 7.52. On the other hand, in 18 matches, Danny Rose had just two goals, two assists, a 77.3 passing percentage (average pass length: 20m) with 26 chances created. Obviously, it's tough to judge on these numbers with Rose playing more than four times more than Davies, but the Welshmen looks like he will beat these numbers before the end of January (if he doesn't get hurt).
Just like my sex life, Frank De Boer truly had a very rough time at Crystal Palace. It was insanely quick and very disappointing for everyone in envolved. Now the boss has been sacked for ex-England manager and owl Roy Hodgson. Since his move away from Ajax, De Boer has been pretty shit as he was awful at Inter Milan, and obviously, wasn't great in the Premier League. To add insult to injury, he was branded as a "weirdo" by a secret Palace source. Like come on, the guys has been sacked and now you are calling him a weirdo? God, whats next? Is Steve Parish gonna fuck his wife? Kicking a man while he is down!
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The Champions League is back! It's time to take your long lunches and sick days to make sure you are by a T.V. as these games are going to be incredible. This is the best time of the year! We have the top teams in every league battling it out for the chance to move on to the knockout stages as we will see some get there and of course, most will fall short of their dreams and go down to the Europa League and if you are even worse than that, you are done in Europe for the rest of the season! There is so much on the line, and we can't wait! Now, let's make some money!
S.S.C. Napoli @ FC Shakhtar Donetsk
I am just going to come out and say it, if you are someone that just watches the Premier League, Ligue 1, La Liga or the Bundesliga, you are truly missing out on one of the most exciting teams to watch. Napoli has started the season in incredible form as they have won three out of their first three matches with nine goals scored and two conceded. This team is just a football fans wet dream; they have skillful players like Lorenzo Insigne and José Callejón with a mixture of midfield flair and toughness with their mohawked maestro, Marek Hamšík. But my two favorite players are Kalidou Koulibaly who is just nothing short of a tank and is one of the best center backs in Europe and of course, Dries Mertens who could be one of the most under-appreciated players in the world of sport. This team is skillful, strong, consistent and a team you can milk for money this season. Onto the home team, the Ukrainian team has started their domestic league well as they are first in the league but I don't see them able to cause Napoli problems. They have conceded six goals in eight matches, which may not seem bad, but compared with their rivals in the league and with their lighter schedule, this could be a problem. With how good Napoli are I only see one winner, The Little Donkeys will be victorious!
PFC CSKA Moscow @ S.L. Benfica
CSKA Moscow in Europe is like the shitty kid in middle school who no one liked and wasn't good at anything, but he had a cool house, so everyone gave him love and respect. CSKA aren't a good team, all they have going for them is their home advantage, no one likes playing in Russia, the fans are awful, the weather sucks and the pitches is trash. Now they go to pretty much the opposite of Russia as they go to lovely Portugal as they go up against the 2016–17 Primeira Liga Champions, Benfica. As a Spurs fan, I watched a lot of CSKA last year since they were in our group, and I can't under estimate how bad they are. They sit in fourth in their league right now as they just look like a team that is bound to be sleeping in the basement of group A. Benfica obviously has some good players, but this pick isn't because of them, it's just because how bad Moscow is.
Benfica to win 1-0.
Paris Saint-Germain F.C. (-2.0) @ Celtic F.C.
It's go time for PSG, its all fun and games when you are the most expensive team in the world, and you are beating on the minnows of the French League, but now it's time for the Champions League. With the historic and record breaking signing of Neymar and the deal to bring Kylian Mbappé to the club, there are no excuses; it is truly Champions League or bust for this team. This is one of the games of the week, watching this PSG team play is amazing on the eye, and against a Celtic team who are the equivalent to a West Brom, they can seriously do damage. From the top the bottom, the French club has no weaknesses, which is why we aren't just taking PSG but with the spread as we see them thumping the Scottish Champions.
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Chelsea could face punishment by the FA for their fans new song about their star striker Álvaro Morata. The chant that is getting them in trouble goes like this: “Alvaro, oh, Alvaro, oh. He came from Real Madrid; he hates the f****** Yids.”. For people that may not get the history of the world Yid, here is a short lesson. The term "yid" is a derogatory word for Jewish people and Chelsea fans for years have used this word to describe their rivals to the North of London, Tottenham because of their large Jewish following.
In all fairness, Álvaro Morata did tweet out this about the issue as he condemned the chant for being hateful by saying this: "Since I arrived, I have been able to feel your support every single day, you are amazing, and I'd like to ask you to please respect everyone!". For some reason, Chelsea fans use the excuse, "Well, if Tottenham fans use it, why the hell can't we." This is obviously a stupid thing to say because as a Jew and a Spurs fans, I love how non-Jews use this terrible term to band together and make everyone feel like one at the club. Time and time again Chelsea fans have been racist, homophobic and anti-Semitic and obviously, it is a small minority but blaming Spurs fans and using it as an excuse to make these comments, is pure bullshit.
Luckily, some Chelsea fans understand the difference between when Spurs and Chelsea fans say it.
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